I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
