I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
