ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
