I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
