I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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