I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize