so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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