she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
