I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
