Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare