if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He felt like a one man threesome
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
