my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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