do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
