i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
