I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
