ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
