Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize