she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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