so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
