Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
