Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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