Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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