why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Randomize
