i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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