i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize