That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
