I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
