How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
