totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
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