so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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