Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
