Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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