i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
