three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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