My first STD was from a foam party
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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