the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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