conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
