If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Randomize
