here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
