who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize