If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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