my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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