i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
