I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize
