I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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