I got chris browned last night
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
