Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
This is my life. Enjoy the view
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
