I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
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its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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