Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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