I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Randomize
