happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
