There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
