Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
