He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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