I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
