Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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