Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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