He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
