You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
