Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
