I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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