Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Randomize
